Please buy and drive the 37 mile 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am

The Pontiac Firebird Trans Am is an objectively great car. Even the F-Body Firebird that Jason Torchinsky (rest in peace) said was uglier than a Mitsuoka Orochi. He claimed he was ready to prove it with his fists and he’s not here anymore, so you can probably guess how that fight turned out. Trans-Am supremacy, baby. Good The news is, if you want to be superior, Barrett-Jackson will be auctioned a 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am that would be perfect for you.

Now you won’t get anywhere fast with this Firebird. It might have a naturally aspirated 6.6-liter V8, but remember, it’s from 1979. It’ll probably make 40bhp by the time the three-speed automatic finishes things up. But you don’t need power to embrace your status as a superior human if you buy this Firebird. You just have to drive it.

Please. Buy and drive, bBecause the previous owner certainly didn’t do it. It only has 37 miles on the odometer, which should be a crime. How do you look at that beautiful screaming chicken on the hood and think, “yeah, it’s probably best to keep that locked away”? How do you resist the urge to settle into those gorgeous crimson seats and cruise around town? But how?

Maybe the original owner was ashamed that he didn’t have a mustache? On the one hand, that would make sense. But then again, owning a firebird magically gives anyone the ability to grow a mustache. That was literally in the owner’s manual. Page 47. Second paragraph. look it up (Don’t actually look it up).

Sure, certain details like the window decal still on the passenger side window and the dealer tags still in place make this a great example of someone to keep in a museum or private car collection. But the firebird should not be caged. It should be freed. There’s no telling how much it will cost, but surely someone reading this site has the money and desire to unleash this Firebird. Please.